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How Rough Roads Lead Us to Beautiful Destinations

Estimated reading time: 22 minutes

Navigating rough roads is challenging, but they often lead us to beautiful destinations.

This timeless wisdom profoundly impacts our lives, and this post will discuss how we can use it to help us find purpose and beauty in life’s darkest moments.

Value the Journey

Even when our rough roads appear discouraging, we should focus on finding value in the journey.

Every experience along the way offers an opportunity for personal growth, learning new skills, and discovering strengths we didn’t know we had.

This personal growth is especially true when facing hardships.

When we grow to a space of valuing hardships we discover rather than feeling discouraged and downhearted, we learn from every experience.

It’s important to take time to appreciate what you have learned and how you have grown as a result of your perseverance.

Embrace Challenges

Even when facing challenges, recognize them as an opportunity to grow and meet them with courage.

Facing a challenge is often daunting, but it enables you to develop mental and emotional strength, deepen your resilience, and expand your capacity for joy.

In addition, embracing difficult moments encourages greater self-improvement to create positive changes in your life to positively impact others.

Resilience Paves the Road Ahead

Resilience is the ability to overcome difficult situations and adapt to change.

With courage and faith, it’s possible to cultivate a sense of security and hope even while facing struggles.

A resilient mindset helps you tolerate distress, persevere even when things get tough, and understand that adversity can be a stepping stone toward personal growth and opportunity.

In addition, developing resilience creates an outlook where you seek out difficulties to challenge yourself for more extraordinary achievements.

Adapt to Change with Grace

Life’s rough roads teach us to adapt with grace and patience while maintaining optimism amid uncertainty.

The more we understand our vulnerabilities, needs, and sources of strength, the better we realign our course and navigate life’s obstacles.

It takes courage to open your mind and heart to new understandings of yourself and the world around you.

However, embracing change brings moments of growth, enlightenment, and beauty that might not have been achieved by staying within your comfort zone.

Appreciate Every Step of the Way

Remember to take the time to appreciate each step of the journey, no matter how hard it may seem.

The more you look out for moments of joy, satisfaction, and connection with yourself and others, the lighter the weight on your shoulders will become.

What might seem like a hindrance initially leads to a newfound passion, newfound friends, or newfound understanding.

So don’t give up too soon!

My Story

Moving is stressful. Choosing to move between provinces in a foreign country makes the move become a journey and a memorable life experience.

My decision to move provinces and jobs in China came on the days leading to a special day, July 15th.

This day is the anniversary of my dad departing this life for the next in 2009.

So, this anniversary is the perfect day to share my story about achieving self-love and coming home to myself.

Right Time

The lessons I learned when settling into my new home changed me. I feel like this move was a transition point in my life where, in the process, at the right place and the right time, I settled into myself.

Things started to shift around me and I had an eerie feeling that I became aligned with divine timing.

Good things happened in a magical way. I felt positive energy enveloping me and I had better health than I have had in a long time.

New ideas emerged with the right timing and I believe this was a result of the law of attraction.

Inner Peace

Positive thinking, once slated in my journal as a daily task, was now part of my daily practice.

With this move, I felt in control of my life. Life had a better plan for me and the inner work to get to this point brought me a sense of inner peace with the challenges I faced moving between provinces in a foreign land.

Focus

The best thing was that I felt my guardian angels and spirit guides with me for my highest good as I navigated new territory in China.

I knew I was on the right path and with my trust in divine timing, I overcame challenges and turned them into opportunities.

The path of least resistance was not an option with this move. My goal was to align with my deepest desires to live in a tropical location where I could be on the beach every day.

The inconveniences and unexpected events became irrelevant as I focused on my higher self, divine energy, and self love.

Right Path

Once the dust settled after my move, I had time to decompress and set the stage to rebuild my life with new things.

In my reflections in my gratitude journal about this experience, I decided manifestation works and no matter how much we panic, rush, and push, the universe’s timing will always prevail.

Better Plan

This move was a profound lesson in self-love.

Learning about the art of letting go was reinforced and the key takeaways for you are:

  • with hard work, you can learn to face the uncomfortable areas of your life
  • bigger things will be presented to you at the right moment
  • there is a divine plan for you to step into your power and take control of your life
  • divine forces will intervene in your life with perfect timing to help with your manifestation work

My Background

To give you context, I was born and raised in a tourist location in northern Saskatchewan, Canada, and raised my family in a small town in southern Alberta, Canada.

I moved to Beijing, China, in 2019 and soon discovered living in the big city was not my natural habitat, and I needed to make a change.

Beijing is known as the ‘city of foreigners’ and a beautiful city.

Living there, though, was not the life for me.

Nevertheless, I highly recommend anyone to visit this historical city, and I will plan to return to Beijing for short tourist stays over the holidays in the future. 

Enjoying an art walk in Beijing with my boss and friend, Emily.

Deciding to Move

When I moved to Beijing in 2019, I was excited and eager to learn about big city life.

However, this excitement soon faded and turned into a feeling like I was in a cage.

I had been in Beijing for seven months. Nineteen weeks of those seven months I spent in isolation in my apartment. I would go out once a week for one hour to collect supplies and groceries. 

Leaving Canada for Beijing, China in 2019.

Although isolation time was situational, I knew I needed a change of environment, and moving from the big city was the first change I needed to make for myself. 

Listening to the Signs

I heard about Hainan in south China. Known as the ‘Hawaii of Asia,’ I started researching the island, teaching job opportunities, and quality of life.

After a few discussions with my Chinese language teacher, colleagues, and friends, I made a short visit from July 15th to July 19th, 2020, to check it out and meet with a prospective employer and landlord.

My holiday in Hainan was a breath of fresh air. Being in a city where I could freely walk around, go to the beach and the swimming pool, and enjoy the outdoors was like a dream come true.

I decided I would return to Beijing and immediately plan my move. 

City view of Haikou, Hainan, China

Rough Roads Ahead: Departure from Beijing

This is a journey like none other I have experienced for sure.

I arrived in Hainan on August 3rd, 2020. Leaving my apartment at 3 am to head to the airport, I arrived at 4:30 am and discovered my flight was cancelled.

After navigating through a Chinese app to cancel my first flight and re-book another, I found an 8:20 am flight, BUT it was at another airport located two hours away. 

I considered going back to my apartment and leaving later in the week. But, in consideration, my heart screamed, “NO! You have come this far; you are packed and here and ready to go. You must try your best to make this work for this morning.”

So, I hailed a taxi, and he told me we would never make it in time as it was already 5:45 am and morning traffic was a deadlock in Beijing.

I insisted, and he agreed to take me. It was a wild ride!

Trusting Divine Timing

We arrived at the other airport at 6:55 am, and I checked my luggage and made it to my gate with eight minutes to spare.

By the time we boarded the plane, I was unravelling and exhausted as I had not slept for twenty-five hours while I finished the last few items on my checklist before leaving Beijing.

One of the items on my list included getting the COVID-19 nucleic acid test and the results before I flew.

Although this was not a requirement, I felt it was the best thing to do to have all the necessary paperwork for traveling between provinces. 

Traveling the Rough Road: Arrival in Hainan

I arrived in Hainan at noon, and when I got in the taxi to the hotel, I felt like life had beaten my body.

I was vulnerable, weepy, and exhausted. I immediately called Molly, my youngest daughter, and cried while we talked on FaceTime.

Divine Intervention

After our short call for me to let her know I had arrived safely, I hung up the phone, and the taxi driver asked me where my hometown was. So, I told him, and I wiped my tears, embarrassed that I could not get them to stop.

Suddenly, he started asking me other questions, and I would answer in Chinese. Feeling agitated and like crawling into a hole, I told him in Chinese 我会受寒月瘦不太好 (“I don’t speak Chinese very good”).

He started laughing and pumped his fist in the air, and yelled 你会受寒月瘦很好! (“You speak Chinese good!”). He kept yelling and pumping his fist while he smiled and nodded at me in the rearview mirror.

I started laughing through my tears and pumped my fist in the air, and yelled 我会受寒月瘦很好! (“I speak Chinese good!”).

We did this a few more times until I laughed instead of crying. Talking and laughing on our trip to the hotel, we both randomly repeated what we had just said while yelling and pumping our fists into the air. 

When getting out of the taxi, I thanked him and had a profound feeling my ancestors and the Universe had responded to my heart crying out in fear.

He was a gift, and I am grateful for the compassion, kindness, and love he showed me. I am also grateful for my Chinese teacher and her patience and understanding while I learned the language.

Leaving the taxi, I felt connected to the world around me, and having a human connection at this moment was the affirmation I was on the right road. 

Settling in at the Hotel

Once in the room, I showered and fell into bed for a deep four-hour sleep before teaching online classes.

After classes, I went to the sea to meditate, pick flowers, and breathe fresh air.

Then, feeling contentment for the day, I returned to my room, had a long hot bath in the glorious tub, and fell into bed again. 

Rough Roads: Day 1

The next day I found my way to meet my new boss at my new apartment to get my keys and other details sorted.

After she left, I looked around at the space that was not prepared for me and felt a heavy sense of overwhelming dread. It was appalling. Filthy really. The items meant to be completed by my arrival were not, and after walking around and taking inventory, I gave up and decided cleaning my apartment was for another day.

I returned to the hotel, went to sea for a swim, and mediated. Then I ate a satisfying meal and napped before teaching online classes.

In the evening, I talked to some friends on FaceTime and slept early. 

Happy to have the key to my new home in Hainan, China.

Rough Roads: Day 2

In the morning, I packed up my things and made my way to my apartment early so I could start cleaning out the garbage and broken furniture before classes began again in the early evening.

My shipment of things from Beijing had not arrived yet, but I had brought one blanket, pillow, and towel just in case. It was enough.

I started to haul out the garbage from the cupboards, closets, and living space; that was all I could do on Day 1. 

My first night concluded with me realizing while I sat in my window box that I had not seen the stars since being in Canada.

So, I sat for a few hours, watched the clouds and stars, and listened to the silence. It warmed me, and I felt excitement for the next day to continue cleaning and sorting out my new home. 

Revelations at the Window

I had lived in a few places since selling the ranch, our family home, two years prior, but I had not had a home.

So, sitting watching the stars, I made a choice. I decided this new place would be my home, our home for my family and friends to visit, and where my co-creator and I would begin our journey together. I was sure I would find him in Hainan. 

Committed to always choosing love, and choosing this place as my home, filled me with an abundance of much-needed love.

Rough Roads: Day 3

I woke up to a beautiful tropical rainfall and immediately opened the windows to enjoy my delivered coffee and breakfast.

I worried about 盼盼, my cat. He was still at the vet in Beijing, and they would ship him out in three days.

He needed his sterilization surgery and vaccinations before travel, so he stayed behind while I set up our new home. 

The vet assistants sent me morning and evening pictures and videos, and I longed to play mousey and cuddle him.

So, to ease the loneliness, I cleaned and continued preparing our home for his arrival. 

Moving Forward

After breakfast, the landlord removed the furniture I didn’t want.

I immediately got online and ordered a sectional couch, a dining room set, and other furniture pieces that are must-haves for my home. I then decided I needed help with the daunting cleaning task, so I went out to find an 阿姨 (Ayi- House Mama).

I came home satisfied with two helpers booked for Sunday. Now, I could do what I had planned and prepare for what the three of us would do in four days. 

Rough Roads: Day 4

It was Friday night, and I needed supplies.

I went to the Wal-Mart-like supermarket to get everything I would need to bleach this place from floor to ceiling.

I came home and unpacked, and when I was putting cleaning items in the kitchen, I saw something move from the corner of my eye. It was an enormous cockroach.

At this moment, I started to think about my life choices seriously. I shut the kitchen door and locked it. Don’t judge.

The cockroaches here have tattoos, drink whiskey, and smoke cigarettes. 

Rough Roads: Day 5

Throughout the night, I slept with one eye open, and in the morning, when the landlord came to get the last broken furniture, I asked him about the cockroaches.

He said they were all over the island. Skeptical about his dismissive response, I reached out to a few more people who live here and have visited here, and they confirmed that all buildings on the island have cockroaches. They say it comes with the territory of living in South China.

I decided it could be worse. My friend is in Thailand, and he told me that he slept with the toilet seat down and his luggage on top of the toilet seat because the snakes like the plumbing system. 

I will say, though, that I soon discovered the cockroaches here are confident, territorial, and assertive. They are the size of African rats and could care less if you are in a standoff with them holding the spray can of insecticide. Their confidence may be because of my shaky hand, and they do not believe I will pull the trigger. 

I had to come to terms with co-habituating and creating a space that was not desirable for them to frequent my home. Ayis told me what to buy for poison and spray, and the kitchen was a minefield.

Rough Roads: Day 6

盼盼 arrived safe and sound and on schedule at noon.

He is quite the Beijing Street Kitty, you know. He has his passport and even his plane ticket and carry-on.

A little shaken up, he was happy to reunite with me, and once we were home from the airport, he had a very long bath. He then enjoyed his favorite foods and treats, followed by cuddling, dancing, and love.

We are both happier together. 

Rough Roads: Day 7

My friend, who owns the only authentic Japanese restaurant in Hainan, invited me for dinner.

To my surprise, he had his chefs prepare me an extraordinary meal; it was his opening night for live music and karaoke. 

Traditional Japanese dish in Hainan, China.

He is the president of the chamber of commerce here, and he invited all his friends and colleagues to celebrate. I met many new friends, and we all had a wonderful time eating, singing, talking, and sharing. 

Again, I am so grateful for the Chinese lessons. I am also grateful for my move here from Beijing. I met more people here socially in two weeks than I had met in Beijing in seven months. Likely due to the COVID-19 situation.

However, the people here are open, friendly, and curious, as few foreigners live here. Each day, many people will pull over their e-bikes or vehicles, stop to ask me where I am from, and visit for a few minutes.

They take it as a great compliment when I tell them 海口人很高兴 (“Haikou people are happy).” 

Rough Roads: Day 8

Two of my new friends invited me out to the yacht club.

The driver picked me up and took me to the most scenic place in our city. We enjoyed more great food, drinks, laughing, and sharing. My heart is whole.

Recognize Your Beautiful Destination

Coming home to yourself and feeling a state of appreciation in your own skin is your beautiful destination. You will recognize it when you see it!

Here are some signs of a beautiful destination:

  • Feeling settled with where you are at in life.
  • Claiming your independence.
  • Settling into your personal self.
  • Continuing to learn about your assets.
  • Doing the necessary work to heal.
  • Living life to its fullest.

Beautiful Destination: Feeling Settled

The first week was all cleaning.

After a full day with two Ayis as planned, we cleaned out most of the nastiness, and it started to resemble the home I pictured in my heart.

My new furniture and other items I had ordered started to arrive. I put my bedroom together first. Then the spare room and office, the bathroom, the sunroom, and part of the living room and dining room slowly started to take shape.

Each day, bit by bit, between teaching online classes, it began to feel like home. 盼盼 and I created a routine, and he was delighted to have such a large space to roam around and cat.

Beautiful Destination: Reclaiming My Independence

After my home was all settled, I decided it was time to start venturing into the community.

But first, I needed to make one last major purchase to reclaim my independence. I purchased an e-bike! I never realized how much this would mean for me and my self-confidence while living abroad. 

Back Story

During my last five months in Canada, I sold or re-homed everything that wouldn’t fit into two suitcases and a carry-on.

I lived in Airbnb and my soul-sister Cayleigh’s rental for five months before I left Canada. I also sold my F-150 and have relied on public transportation in Canada and China. 

With so many changes in my life up until my move to China, I realized I had not had a vehicle of my own to drive since I was 16 years old.

Facing My Fears

Truth be told, when I was going by taxi to pick up my e-bike, I felt nauseous with vulnerability.

It felt like I had been living in a sanitized bubble of little responsibility other than responsibility for myself for the past year and a half.

My first ebike. I was SO proud of myself with this purchase.

Finally, I was venturing outside of my comfort zone into unknown territory. 

The salesman asked me if I had ridden a motorbike before. I told him I did when I was a kid, but I know how to ride a horse, so it cannot be that different!

My horse Nicholas only walked when he wanted to, and it took beer and apple fritter Timbits from Tim Horton’s to motivate him to move.

My horse Nicholas was my ginger love in Canada.

Finally, I was ready for the open road after a quick lesson and a few test runs. 

Beautiful Destination: Newfound Independence

Equipped with my helmet and rain suit, I was ready to make my journey home.

Unfortunately, we had a downpour that day, and the roads flooded. Not the best maiden voyage, but I managed okay. 

After the first five minutes, I started to feel my independence return as it relates to having my own transportation and the freedom that comes with it. I began to laugh. The few giggles turned into uninhibited and uncontrollable belly laughter.

Thinking back to my conversation with the taxi driver when I first arrived in Hainan, I pumped my fist up in the air and yelled, “Suzanne! You are driving your very own e-bike!” I laughed out loud while I rode home *beep *beeping along the way as I learned the road rules for e-bike drivers. 

Believe me. I give the local citizens many reasons to think foreigners are crazy on any given day. Laughing out loud in public was nothing new for me.

What was new was the refreshing experience of being in control of where I go, my route for getting there, how long it would be before I got there, and how much I enjoy the ride along the way.

Beautiful Destination: Settling into Myself

After my first week, I took myself to the mall down the street and enjoyed an Americano in the sunshine.

While enjoying a hot cup of coffee on a hot day, I reflected upon my journey to Hainan. In particular, I reflected on my journey over the previous two years and, most notably, the recent nine months since I arrived in China.

Journalling, I poured it all out of me. Things became clearer as I saw them on paper. Creating a new home physically brought me back home to me spiritually. 

This sign is posted on a building on the way to the mall where I would sit and journal.

Summary

I revisit my journals often. Reflecting on my notes following the first two weeks of my move to Hainan, my learning is reinforced as I am reminded of the experiences with heartfelt words about my reflection, learning, healing, and living. 

Reflection on How Rough Roads Lead to Beautiful Destinations

Rough roads are necessary in life to return home to ourselves.

Here are key takeaways from my experience:

  • Cleaning out the broken furniture and rubbage from my new apartment was cathartic.
  • Washing the walls, floor, and everything else in between was cleansing.
  • Revisiting the stars was revealing.
  • Reuniting with my fur baby was heartwarming.
  • Eradicating the unwanted in my space that brought no value to my life was symbolic.
  • Keeping only what I wanted and needed was refreshing. 

Learning from Traveling the Rough Roads

Aside from our most significant assets of health and love, within and without, I have a comprehensive cockroach management plan in place that works, my own transportation, beautiful scenic views all around me, and a wide-open sky above me.

My family has grown, and I am now sharing space with my co-creator, a foreigner, and another fur baby, Cathy, our golden retriever.

With a heart overflowing with joy, and an attitude of gratitude, I am grateful for traveling the rough road to arrive at this beautiful destination. 

Life is good in our little family.

Healing from the Journey

By engaging personal power through healing and doing, we manifest our hearts’ greatest desires by doing the work to brighten the light within. 

In my darkest moments traveling the rough roads, it became clear to me that to receive the abundance in our lives we desire, we must be willing to live abundantly facing outward.

Living from the inside out starts with filling ourselves up with the things we can only provide for ourselves to make our light brighter.

Then, we share our light and abundance with others. 

Living in Beautiful Places

Coming to terms with the sacrifices we must make to live the life we are destined for is essential to living a fulfilled life.

Activating courage is a matter of the heart, and to live courageously, we must open our hearts and take risks of having our hearts broken at any given moment. 

In my time of isolation and my moving experience, I have learned: 

  • freedom is a state of mind
  • loneliness is a choice
  • the sky is not the limit

Creating a daily practice to make conscious decisions helps us on the rough roads by:

  • aligning to our personal truth ascends us to unimaginable heights
  • self-love through meditation and speaking my truth frees us from our negative self-talk
  • creating light within shines brighter without 
  • we manifest anything we want in this life

Today, I am grateful for everything I have experienced and learned over the past four years, from heartache to heart bliss, including the experience of moving between cities in China. 

Choosing love has helped me embrace this journey of life and see the challenges I face as opportunities.

But, most of all, I have learned that the roughest roads lead us to the most beautiful destinations. 

Thanks for reading my story about personal growth through my moving experience in China.

Until next time,

Suzanne

Further Reading

7 Signs of Divine Timing Working in Your Life – OutofStress

The Five Universal Rules of Divine Timing (Discover the Truth)

Divine Timing Means You’ll Never Be too Late for Your Destiny

How to End Emotional Hurdles on Your Path to Feeling Worthy of Love

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes

It is important to remember you are worthy of love. This includes self-love and loving and accepting who we are, just as we are.

Despite our flaws or the mistakes that we might have made, it’s essential to recognize that we all deserve love without judgment or condition.

This blog post shares how to break free from negative self-talk and build positive energy to help you truly believe in yourself as a deserving person worthy of love.

Background

On my own self-love journey, I spent a significant amount of alone time reflecting on past mistakes.

I soon realized I lived in a place of a lack of self-love. I suffered from low self-esteem and engaged in negative self-talk and negative thoughts. I had a mean inner critic and wanted a better life.

People Pleaser

I was a people pleaser and had high regard for others’ needs instead of my own needs. My entire life loving others first often landed me in a toxic relationship with a friend, a colleague, a marriage for 25 years, and even a new lover after my divorce.

I desired higher self-esteem and higher levels of self-worth. I was exhausted from carrying around negative emotions about myself.

Taking the First Step

In 2002, I stepped way outside of my comfort zone and made my first appointment with a clinical psychologist.

I am a believer in having an impartial third party to help you unpack your narrative to make sense of any potential negative events in your life and your subconscious mind.

During this important step in my personal growth, I discovered developing a solid relationship with my psychologist was much better for my mental health in the long run than talking to family members and my closest friends.

Finding a good fit for someone to help me with hard times and self-esteem issues was the first step leading me to over two decades of self-love.

Discovery

Twenty years later, I feel connected to my true self and feel like I have an intimate understanding of the concept of self-love.

I am responsible for my own happiness and I feel like I have unpacked the meaning of unconditional love.

I am grateful beyond words for discovering how to be my own best friend, the loving relationships, the healthy relationships, and the good people in my life.

How Do You Learn To Love Yourself?

This six-step process will get you started with recognizing your uniqueness, your passions, and how you are worthy of love:

  • Discover your values.
  • Live your values.
  • Choose your tribe.
  • Keep good people in your life.
  • Have fun!
  • Reignite your passions.

Build Context for Your Experiences

What a journey these past few years have been. Five full years since I ended life as I knew it and ventured on a new journey for me.

There have been many ups and downs and I feel like I am in a space of transition and re-balancing again. I also think it’s time I stop using that change in my life as a reference point for where I am and who I have become.  

Someone once told me a parable that resonated with me, and up until now it has been in the back of my mind but makes sense today as I share it with you.  

Parable

There once was a man who decided he wanted to change his life. He sat in his beautiful home and counted his degrees and awards and collection of books and personal possessions with a mix of pride and sorrow.

He had achieved many successes at work and in life, yet he didn’t feel successful. He knew he wanted to become someone different, but he didn’t know how or where to start his journey to becoming.


Each night he tossed and turned and mulled over potential ideas in his head. One night he decided he would leave it all and embark on a journey of self-discovery.


He dispersed all his worldly possessions, only keeping one loincloth. He booked a ticket to the most remote of places where he planned to immerse in meditation and self-discovery. 


It was a long journey. He spent the first year learning how to meditate in such a way as to turn his mind off and feel his body. In the second year, he felt like he was well on his way to mastering meditation and peaceful life. He was healthier, stronger, calmer, and happier.


One day, in the third year, he was washing his loincloth at the well and a rat jumped out from behind the bucket, grabbed the man’s only possession, his loincloth, and ran in the opposite direction.

The man, distraught, chased the rat and managed to retrieve his loincloth. When he inspected his loincloth, he noticed the rat had ripped it. Devastated with the damage, the man sat down and sobbed. 


“Why did this happen to me?’ he pleaded.


“How could that rat destroy my one and only possession?” he cried.


“Give me a sign! I need to know if I am on the right path to fulfillment!” He begged.


When he finished crying and felt calmer, he decided to meditate so he could feel grounded and centred in his body once again. Walking back to his house, he had an idea.


“I know! I will get a cat to kill the rat. This will ensure my loincloth will be protected from further harm.”


So, the man set off into town and found a kitten. He brought the kitten home and after a few days he thought, “I need to have milk for the kitten.”

This is when he decided he would get a cow for milk for the cat to eat so the cat can kill the rat. 


Looking around, the man saw the vast area he had available for his cow, and he thought, “One cow? I can get a herd of cows then I will have milk to feed the cat who will kill the rat and milk and meat for me.”


The man, now having a whole herd of cows decided he needed to hire help to manage the cows.

He had little time to meditate and was feeling more and more agitated each day with his workload. So, the man found local people who wanted to work for him, but because they would have to travel a long distance to his remote location, they would need to ensure he would provide lunch to them.

The man hired more help to make lunches for the workers who tended the cows for the milk and the meat to feed the cat who would kill the rat. 

Author Unknown

This parable left me with so many questions about how to live a fulfilled life including, how to feel worthy of love.

Intellectually I get that living a fulfilled life is dependent on our own individual values and needs. Our ideas about whom we want to become.

Bottom line, this parable sent me into a minor, yet impactful, existential crisis. 

Dig into Your History to Uncover Patterns

I left Lethbridge, Alberta Canada with two suitcases and a carry-on four years ago. I have kept a small storage container with four Rubbermaid totes filled with documents, family heirlooms, and a few mementos I couldn’t part with at the time. 

Four years later, I have a cat. Why does it always start with a cat? I have a life partner, we have a dog, an apartment, two e-bikes, electronics, a rice cooker, a slow cooker, a toaster oven, a blender, Tupperware, and now a deep freeze. Yes, we now have a deep freeze.

I thought about the man and thought about his dilemma when his loincloth was damaged and contemplated how, no matter how far we travel in body and spirit, we cycle back to a similar state of being.

The following outlines my discoveries through personal reflection.

To Feel Worthy of Love, Values Matter

When we live in a state of being aligned with our values, we are clear on who we are and what we want.

In my case, it took me four years to uncover my own core values that are my platform for why I do what I do and who I want to become. 

When I feel a ‘rub.’ Do you know what I mean? When we are asked to do something or are in a situation and feel sensations that tell us we are not where we are supposed to be. Exactly, a ‘rub.’

When I feel a ‘rub’ I simply say to myself, “gratitude, authenticity, compassion, and courage”. Honestly, it is usually authenticity where the rub gets more intense. This is a trigger point for me.

When I am in a situation where the rub calls to my attention that I am not being authentic at that moment, I hear the rub, honour the rub, realign, and rely on compassion and courage to get me out of the situation. Later is when I lean on gratitude for thanks.

This is an example of how we live our values.

You need a process, something tangible you can do to bring your values to the forefront of your mind and life.

I look at my values like four separate entities, all unique, all significant, and all necessary for me to feel I am aligned with where I am going. 

Living My Values

I’ve created a mantra I use when I am smudging and praying. This is what I call “My Soul Fire.”

Starting at my physical state, then emotions, mind, and spirit, I define who I strive to become each day through my values.

Uncovering your core values is a load of work, but well worth the effort.

I turned to a few sources to unwrap my layers to get to the reason why my feet hit the ground each day.

I believe I have been put on this earth to raise women. Beginning with the sacred source, mother earth, and returning to mother earth, I will work to do my part to make a difference in this life. 

Here is a resource to help you get context around living from your values:

Living into our Values by Brene Brown

Brene Brown did a podcast episode on this topic and also has a worksheet you can do while listening to the podcast. I found it immensely helpful in uncovering my values.

To Feel Worthy of Love, Tribe Matters

Who is your tribe? Who are your people?

Yes, we all have people who are there when we are in a bind, but who are the people who will ask you the tough questions about how you got in the bind? Or ask you why you find yourself in a similar bind? Ouch.

These are your tribespeople who will help you to realign when you need it.

We all have relationships in the peripheral we go to for whatever need we need to be met, but it’s our tribe who will guide us through this life.

The people we trust, wholeheartedly, and whom we love unconditionally.

We are free to be whoever we want to be, and they respond with, “this is Suzanne, she is a flower today”. To which I respond, “tomorrow I want to be a _____.”

Friend Up

I used to tell my children and students to always ‘friend up’.

Friending up is finding the people who are doing what you strive to do or become and then aligning with them. I used to tell my students every semester, “find the smartest person in this class and be their group mate.”

They would laugh and halfway through the semester they would figure it out and align themselves accordingly.

Look for the people who are doing what you want to do, what you want to learn, and striving at what you hope to become. These are the people who will influence your choices, your mindset, and your fulfillment.

The mentors, the teachers, the coaches, the people who don’t work for these titles at a job but live these titles each day.

Look around you, take inventory, have conversations, and lean into who you are and who you want to become tomorrow.

I once read somewhere that if you tally up the 10 closest people to you, their characteristics, their habits, and their attitudes, you don’t need a magic ball to predict what your life will be like in 10 years.

This will land however it lands, based on wherever you are, and with whoever is around you.

Personal Reflection

Circling back to the man, I had a moment in the Master of Education program I just completed where I realized there were several members of my cohort who were nailing our assignments out of the park!

I lost my desire to thrive, to read journal articles, to research, and was counting the hours until we were done.

It was these people who went the extra mile for me by taking my calls, responding to my questions, sending me resources, and one time, adding me as a group member knowing I would contribute very little due to circumstances outside of my control.

I friended up and the learning was incredible.

They took the time to explain concepts to me in a way that made sense and I am forever grateful.

Ironically, but not surprisingly, I friended up in my first Master of Arts program in 2007 and had the same result.

We crushed through our thesis work and came out of it stronger individually and collectively. I now have a lifetime friend who continues to demonstrate her excellence through her NGO work around the world.

Please, friend up. 

To Feel Worthy of Love, Fun Matters

To live a fulfilled life, I believe we need to embrace our inner child.

Remember when we used to dream and think about what we would do with our lives?

I remember a time when I wanted to be a journalist. I grew up watching CBC documentaries and CBC National News and thought about the exciting lives the journalists and reporters lived.

Writing, working and traveling around the world to places I had only seen in an encyclopedia or on a world globe. They seriously looked so cool!

I also enjoyed bubbles, Lego, painting, singing, swimming, and the outdoors. I lost track of these things over the years.

Sometimes I didn’t feel like I had the time, passion, interest, or talent anymore. I believed doing grown-up things was all that mattered.

Work, parent, cook, clean, shop, find Tupperware lids, pair socks, rinse, and repeat. I have learned.

Now, we only have the sandwich set of 4 Tupperware, so it is much easier to pair lids. And truthfully, most of the time we are packing lunches or leftovers with mixed lids. Who am I?

Re-Ignite Your Passion

Since my time of rediscovery, I have dabbled and then immersed in some forgotten passions and discovered some new passions.

I think all adults lose the things they used to enjoy over time. It is up to each of us to take the needed time to uncover our individual interests.

Always living our values and honoring our role as tribespeople, it is important for us to reconnect with our inner child and pick up where we may have left off and adjust accordingly. 

Blogging is my way of feeding the passions I still have from my youth in journalism.

My new venture of writing children’s books is another way to fuel my passions. It is also a way for me to reconnect with my own inner child by diving into my characters, feeling their experiences, and creating the context of reality in the stories.

Aligned with my belief to do my part to make a difference for women in this life, I enjoy asking myself what my characters would say or do.

Fun is Freedom

There is freedom when fun matters.

Freedom to do what you want, with whomever you want, or by yourself, wherever you choose.

On my birthday this year, I went to the flower market and picked stems of my favorite flowers. Meeting my friend for lunch, a tribemate, I packed wire and ribbon, scissors, and picks.

When we were done lunch, I pulled out the craft items and told her I wanted to make myself a flower crown.

We both immediately got to work and put together a beautiful crown and shared a memorable experience.

That night, we all went out to dance and sing the night away and yes, there were bubbles. LOTS of bubbles! I took bubbles when we were out, and we had a blast!

February 12th, 2022 in Hainan, China.

Weekend Movie Making

Last weekend Murphy and I joined our friend and my colleague with his family at a hotel out of town.

We spent two days by the pool with a complete loss of time and responsibilities.

We played ball, then frisbee then decided we would make a movie. Keran is talented at movie making, he is making movies with his children and family for their own entertainment and memories.

So, we scripted our roles and let ourselves go to have fun, be silly, and create lasting memories.

I will say it is cheesier than the cheesiest cheese and we cringed when we watched it, but damn! It was fun!

Fun matters people. Now please, go have fun.

Summary

The parable taught me a valuable lesson about feeling worthy of love.

It’s not what we have or how much that influences our desire to feel we are living a fulfilled life, but what we do with what we have to live a fulfilled life feeling worthy of love.

Living. It comes down to living. 

I believe for me to feel like I am living a fulfilled life, I need three key ingredients: values, tribe, and fun. 

Thanks for stopping by!

Until next time,

Suzanne

How to Set Your Boundaries for Respectful and Healthy Relationships

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Setting and respecting boundaries is essential to healthy relationships, yet setting clear boundaries can be difficult. If you want to maintain your sense of self when connecting with others, learning how to set your boundaries and respect another’s is vital.

Here are some helpful quotes to guide you in understanding the importance of setting and respecting boundaries.

Instill Respect & Set Firm Boundaries

Setting and respecting boundaries is essential to healthy relationships, yet setting clear boundaries can be difficult.

For example, suppose you want to maintain your sense of self when connecting with others. In that case, learning how to set appropriate boundaries and respect others is vital.

Demonstrate Respect for Yourself by Setting Boundaries

Demonstrating self-respect starts with understanding your own needs and limitations.

Setting your boundaries helps you respect yourself and show others how they should treat you.

It is important to remember you don’t need to explain or justify your desired boundaries. All that matters is that these boundaries are places of comfort and security for you.

Practicing Assertive Communication Skills

Assertive communication is the key to instilling respect.

By practicing assertive communication skills, you express your needs and desires without appearing aggressive or passive.

Speak in a clear, crisp manner, and use phrases such as “I feel,” “I think,” and “I would like.”

Showing respect by using polite language during conversations helps you enforce your boundaries respectfully.

Additionally, suppose someone’s behavior does not match your expectations for respect.

In that case, it’s okay to express yourself confidently with statements such as “I feel like I need to create space for myself right now because this conversation feels unhealthy.”

This blog post explores assertive communication skills with tips and strategies:

Self Love Means Setting Boundaries is Necessary

React With Reason & Definitive Action When Boundaries Are Crossed

When someone does not respect your boundaries, following through with clear and definitive action is essential.

This means that in addition to asserting your opinions, you must start following through and enforcing consequences when your boundaries are violated.

For example, if you ask someone not to talk to you in a certain way and they do it again, ensure the consequence is clear. Perhaps say something like, “If you talk to me like this again, I won’t be able to continue this conversation any longer.”

Doing so will show others that you mean business when setting your boundaries.

Lead by Example to Instill Mutual Respect

Another way to ensure your boundaries are respected and your relationships remain respectful is to lead by example.

  • Show others how they should treat you by treating them with respect.
  • Speak to them with understanding, patience, and care, and your message will be more explicit.

When you show respect for yourself and those around you, it will inspire mutual respect in everyone involved.

Summary

Establishing your limits and respecting those of others is an essential part of any successful relationship.

Setting your boundaries can be difficult, especially if you feel like you must please other people or fear confrontation.

If you want to stay true to yourself while being around others, it’s important to learn how to set your boundaries while simultaneously respecting the boundaries of others.

Thanks for stopping by!

Until next time,

Suzanne